I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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