I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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