When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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