If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
