I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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