i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
