No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
