they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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