Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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