Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
