On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
