Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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