Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize