So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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