weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
