Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
