his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
