It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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