Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
