I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
