I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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