Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
