I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
