I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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