I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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