okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
