I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
