Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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