I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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