Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
