cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
