Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
