good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
