the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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