There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
