Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
