bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
