Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
