Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
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I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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