I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
