i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
