cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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