Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
