i love accidental penises.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
