I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
