You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
