I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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