I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
