oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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