You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
