Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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