Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want a musical about memes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
