he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He has the fingertips of a God
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
