Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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