There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
