Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
