Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
