Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
