The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
