ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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