please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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