I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
