Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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