i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize