Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Where are you guys?
Drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
