That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
