Pants 0. Shit 1.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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