oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize