ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
