I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
