There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
