My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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