I wish I could teleport
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
