Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
