My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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