"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
