Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
