i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
