We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
