how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
