you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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