you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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