I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
