I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
