They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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