I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
