i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
