There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
