Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
