I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
