your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
